Yesterday was a really big day in the life of Pooh. We went to work, but I had a lot of things to do around the building so it wasn't the most calm morning. Then, unexpectedly I had to go work at one of the thrift stores and there wasn't time to take Pooh home so she had to come along. My expectations were VERY low, but I brought all the assistance I could- grabbed a wonderful treat ball and her blanket from the back seat of the car. She was a bit uncertain, but did settle on her blanket off/on (thank goodness we did all that training!) and there wasn't ANY whining at all as I came/went helping customers. Midday we had to jet back for a meeting with a vendor. It's an annual meeting and the person remembered Pooh...and was surprised at her progress because she was curious and didn't hide the whole time...didn't even need a leash to walk in to the meeting. There were a few other challenges, then after work I bought something so long it required folding down the 40/60 split in my backseat on our way home. I held my breathe as I put the 60% seat down hoping she wouldn't find a way to fly out of the car as I shoved boards her way. She was a bit surprised that she had to fit into a small portion of her usual seat, but once again, there wasn't any whining or posture that really concerned me. She snuggled down and we drove home. As I looked back on the day I realized that I didn't see a choice in a lot of what I threw her way...with complete knowledge I would've left her at home, but she was there. So, I think there's definitely a lesson in here about watching "signaling." I'm guessing there's a more technical term, but let me give you another simple example I saw this week in myself.
I have spent countless moments asking, begging, convincing Pooh to come from the garage into the laundry room. The laundry room struggle is one of Pooh's lingering issues that exhausts me...stuff in my hands, places to go, why is this such a problem, JUST DO IT. I heard my own voice as I said "Inside" to her the other morning. It wasn't the calm, low tone that I use for "Inside" to come in from back yard, get in the car, and a bunch of other things that we have MUCH success with now, but used to be a struggle too. No, it was a higher pitched, questioning, wondering if we could actually come inside and close the stinkin' door. So, now I'm practicing "Inside" with the same calming confidence of "OK" or "Inside" when I think it will actually work. I'm finding that IT DOES WORK because I was signaling doubt...and she is smarter than I am. I sometimes forget that she KNOWS if I think she can't/won't walk through the door. She also knows when I know that she absolutely is going to work in a thrift store for half a day, go to a meeting with strangers, and have the backseat of my car (aka safe place) all moved around because there is no choice and we'll just do it calmly. So, while I do need to remember her limitations I also need to be aware of whether I am signaling confidence to her or fear and chaos.
I have spent countless moments asking, begging, convincing Pooh to come from the garage into the laundry room. The laundry room struggle is one of Pooh's lingering issues that exhausts me...stuff in my hands, places to go, why is this such a problem, JUST DO IT. I heard my own voice as I said "Inside" to her the other morning. It wasn't the calm, low tone that I use for "Inside" to come in from back yard, get in the car, and a bunch of other things that we have MUCH success with now, but used to be a struggle too. No, it was a higher pitched, questioning, wondering if we could actually come inside and close the stinkin' door. So, now I'm practicing "Inside" with the same calming confidence of "OK" or "Inside" when I think it will actually work. I'm finding that IT DOES WORK because I was signaling doubt...and she is smarter than I am. I sometimes forget that she KNOWS if I think she can't/won't walk through the door. She also knows when I know that she absolutely is going to work in a thrift store for half a day, go to a meeting with strangers, and have the backseat of my car (aka safe place) all moved around because there is no choice and we'll just do it calmly. So, while I do need to remember her limitations I also need to be aware of whether I am signaling confidence to her or fear and chaos.